ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
