I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
