Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish my penis had an off switch
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
