walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
