found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
