It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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