my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
