oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just google imaged poop.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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