btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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