Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
