Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
