He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
