Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think a kid would responsible me up
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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