I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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