she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
