see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
