Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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