paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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