The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize