literally had 100 drinks last night.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
