your room smells of hookers.
And success
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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