I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The struggles of a small town man whore
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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