We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
