Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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