I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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