When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
