Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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