there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
