I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
