I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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