I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
