sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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