In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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