I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
