Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
