im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
