so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
