So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
