Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
