Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize