If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
