i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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