I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
