I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
