"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We are all done wearing pants today
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
