did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
