dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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