So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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