When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
