I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
