My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
PANTIES FOUND
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
