Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
