idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
