i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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