You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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