well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
