PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
