just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Its about making memories worth repressing
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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