I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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