Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
