Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
