a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
