Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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