She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
