Apparently you make a good broom.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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