Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
