I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
